This morning (April 17), a rainbow burst from a sunshower and pointed the way straight to the equator. It is easy to make the weather at sea magical. The rainbow must have been monitoring the GPS coordinates of Jerry’s chartplotter closely, as at approximately 9 AM, Jerry’s latitude was officially 0° (zero degrees)! To celebrate his official entry into the South Pacific, and to do what they could about the lack of wind, his crew honored King Neptune in the time-honored fashion of an Equator Crossing Ceremony. After researching naval crossing ceremonies, Mel devised her own ceremony with considerably less flogging, crawling, toxic liquids, and grease. After all, living on and constantly repairing a boat has pretty much taken care of all that already.

This ceremony, practiced by various navies around the world over the years, converts inexperienced sailors, called Pollywogs, into thick-skinned, carapaced Shellback turtles. Apparently, performing this unnatural transmutation of an immature frog into an ancient turtle in the backyard of the Galapagos has yet to strike anyone as odd. Hmmm, Mel takes that back. Poor Charles Darwin had to undergo the rougher version of the Crossing Ceremony himself in 1832. With his face covered in “pitch and paint” before being dunked in a vat of water, he was probably smart enough to hold his tongue.

Here is the transcript of our crossing ceremony. Enjoy!

The Intrepid Jerry’s Equator Crossing Ceremony

Materials required: Slingshot (if you have one), didgeridoo, ukulele, ukulele tabs to the music selection, comb kazoo, 3 paper sailor hats labelled, “Pollywog.”

If the MC is also a Pollywog, consider making a crown and triton to be held by the MC when they are conducting the ceremony and removed (or ignored) when they are performing the tasks.

Ceremony

We are gathered here today to mark SV The Intrepid Jerry’s crossing of the equator, the middle of the earth. The crew of this boat consists of three Pollywogs, sailors who have not yet crossed the equator by sea.

To ensure a good passage, and to bring back the winds, Neptune’s Court demands tribute via the performance of difficult tasks, according to his whim.

We Begin with the Feats of Strength!

The first task is to honor the Equator by learning some geophysics!  As you can see, King Neptune has a twisted sense of humor.

Task 1.  At the equator the earth is 21,639 nautical miles in circumference, about 27 miles larger than the perpendicular circumference passing through the poles. To honor the Equator, use your seasoned sailor abs to hold a plank for 27 seconds, 1 second for each extra mile.

Task 2. Since Earth is an oblate spheroid, at the Equator the centrifugal force of Earth’s rotation is maximal, working against gravity and causing objects to weigh up to 0.5% less than at the poles. To represent your loss of 1 pound for every 200 pounds, give Neptune 20 lunges and 20 squats without touching anything or falling.

Task 3. At the equator the sun plunges almost straight into the sea when it rises and sets, instead of transitioning at an angle. This produces the shortest twilight period in the world, around 25 minutes today. To honor the equator for this speed, slingshot or throw a rock, coin, or other appropriate Coast-Guard-approved sacrifice off the boat so that it travels far and falls from the sky straight into the sea. 

Task 4. Your shadow is the shortest it will be on the planet at solar noon today at the equator. To represent this, you must now block the sun’s rays by wearing this silly hat.

The Pollywogs don their silly hats.

And Now, The Feats of Skill! 

King Neptune has a temper.  A good sailor’s best defense against the ravages of the sea is good knot-tying skills.

Instructions: Each Pollywog is given 2 ropes. They will each be assigned 3 of the following knots to tie, randomly picked (via a roll of a die, or a wheel-spinning phone app): bowline, cleat hitch, rolling hitch, zeppelin bend, round turn and two half hitches, Ashley stopper.

For each Pollywog, the following things happen:

Just before this test, record the true wind speed.  All three knot-tying tasks must be completed before the current true wind speed in minutes has elapsed. For example, if the wind speed is 8 knots, they have 8 minutes to tie all three knots. If Neptune is in a good mood, there will be lots of wind and this task will be easier.

Start a timer set to this speed.

Spin the wheel or roll a die to select the first knot.  After the judge confirms proper completion, repeat for two more knots. Grog Knots or another reference is permitted. 

If the tasks are not completed on time, the Pollywog must start over.

And Now for the Music of the Seas!

Congratulations! Almost all tasks have been completed! King Neptune loves a good sea song. You must now serenade him with beautiful music.

King Neptune has selected the following song: Southern Cross, by Crosby, Stills, & Nash

Greg: To please King Neptune, you will play the didgeridoo to honor the South Pacific.

Mel: To please Queen Amphitrite, you will play the ukulele to honor the North Pacific.

Jeremy: To please Davy Jones, you will play this kazoo to honor the equatorial Pacific Ocean.

Karaoke version of Southern Cross.

Conclusion

Congratulations! You are now all Trusty Shellbacks, your skin thickened by the trials of the sea. You have joined the Empire of King Neptune, Imperium Neptuni Regis, and are hereby initiated into the Solemn Mysteries of the Ancient Order of the Deep.

Three Hoorahs!

Finally, King Neptune takes tips. If you feel he is deserving, throw a coin of your choice, or yourself, into the sea.

Optional Activities

You have the option of receiving a hand-drawn Sharpie tattoo of a shellback turtle to mark the occasion.

You may take a swim.  Gaze into the depths of the ocean, 9000 feet down. Don’t let go of the rope!

And Later…Cake!!!