We welcome visitors onto our fantastic boat!  However, there are a few considerations worth reviewing before you visit.

  1. We must know you.  And like you.  If we don’t like you, you may find that we are putting you off because of “weather.”
  2. You must understand that we can give you no more than TWO WEEKS’ NOTICE regarding what airport you should fly into.  This is because the weather and our own whims dictate where we are at any one moment.  It is best that you are prepared to stay at a hotel in case we cannot show up to meet you right away.
  3. If you are prone to seasickness, tell Mel beforehand.  She will set you up.
  4. If you plan on staying long enough to have to do a load of laundry, please bring only fancy underthings.  We hang things out to dry and this is a fancy boat, after all.
  5. Bring at least two swimsuits if you like to swim.  Saltwater is disgusting.
  6. A collapsible, easy-to-stow duffel-type suitcase is preferable to a big, hard-sided one.  Unless you have an odd fetish for having Samsonite in your bed.
  7. Be prepared for us to ask you to fill an entire suitcase with items that we have ordered from Amazon.  Yes, you are our mule.
  8. Please state food preferences beforehand.  That way we can tell those who state: “organic only, no GMO, vegan, must have fresh bread everyday” to just stay home.  Oh wait, we probably aren’t friends anyway.  Nevermind.
  9. Know that you may witness what looks like severe marital conflict.  For example, Greg may scream at Mel when we are docking, anchoring, hoisting sail, dropping sail, starting the generator, whatever.  No worries.  This is normal.
  10. You will have a better time if you like watching Star Trek series DVD’s.  Because that’s all the TV you will get.
  11.  An example of a good hostess gift is Argentinian or New Zealand Marlborough wine, or dry bags, or diamonds.  A bad hostess gift is a giant glass vase.
  12. If we happen to be schooling our kids while you are onboard, please be patient and occupy yourselves with other things.  Just know that, “How is it possible you are incapable of thinking?” is a rhetorical question consistent with the Common Core.
  13. We have an old cat onboard.  She pees on cloth.  Do not leave any clothing or blankets on the floor.  You have been warned.
  14. Cocktail hour begins at sundown, and dinner is usually at 8.  This means the cook has left a big mess for someone else to clean up.
  15. Occasionally, electronics or pumps on the boat will make beeping/grinding/screeching noises.  Do what Mel does in this situation.  Just look at Greg, seemingly bewildered.  That way he has to get up to fix it.
  16. It helps if you can cook.  You will realize this after about three days of Mel’s cooking.  We are open to suggestions/help.
  17. Those who like everything organized and neatly stowed at all times may be uncomfortable.  After all, we have kids aboard.  If you do feel compelled to declutter, consult with Greg first.  He will make you enter where you put things into his database.  I am serious.
  18. Mel may feel compelled to play the ukulele.  She has been at the “beginner ukulele” stage for 5 years.  Tell her it sounds good.
  19. If you are handy, Greg may ask you to help him fix things.  He is always fixing things.  You might be asked to bring some wire.
  20. When in town, do not mention that you are staying on a boat.  You will not be able to leave until you have been questioned by incredulous landlubbers for twenty minutes.  Mel finds the statement, “Gotta get back to purge the bilge!” usually ends the conversation.
  21. If we are in a marina, don’t expect to swim off of the boat unless you like poop.

Still able to visit?  Contact us the way you know how. After all, we’re friends!